Breakfasts, Geese, ..I kinda want to draw

My last note was about Saturday last week I think, which means that I've got a whole week of stuff to pull from for this blog entry.
Let me think... Saturday I've recounted. I wrote that last post on Monday... so- Tuesday. Tuesday was a fairly normal day. Yet another day that I said "I'm going to get up early and accomplish something before work!" and failed to do so. Work went well- right up until open mic. A couple of the newer guys took up the whole stage with their equipment and played for almost an hour and a half- Mr. Pete didn't get to play. He was almost upset- which is something. I've never seen him almost upset before. I've never seen him anything close to it. The worst I've ever seen was a tired happy. He didn't even say 'night guys!' before he left like he usually does. :/ I felt so bad for him. Of course, I was working, so I probably should have been looking at the clock going "Okay y'all- time to move your junk and let someone else take a turn!" but it hadn't occurred to me that the guys on the stage weren't talking to the guys at the tables at all. Usually it's pretty fluid going back and forth between the players, with people getting up to play with the songs that they know and sitting down if they don't know the piece. :/ Wednesday was Wednesday. I don't recall exactly what happened- but life is good. Corey, David, Kaitlyn, and Ashlee started teaching about the Story in Wednesday Night service. Great fun that. It was nice to watch them go back and forth with what they were sharing- I mean, it was like an oral presentation for a class.
Thursday morning mom and I had been asked to attend a 'Breakfast before Business' breakfast, which was being held in honor of JCC's donors. Mom and I got to go because we helped make the gifts for the donors. You guessed it- bowls and vases. One thing I'll say about my current college- the President of the college is profoundly interested in the arts. He's really big about recognizing all the helpers for events, from background music to waiting staff to photographers. So he asked Kiefer to ask his helpers to come to the meal as well. So here we were, Me, Mom, Kiefer, Leslie and Limbert, four students and a college teacher, in a room full of executives, board members, bankers, stocks persons, etc. The room was probably worth a few million bucks. heck- the table I was sitting at was probably worth over a million (the "Fine Arts Students" were sharing a table with two big name banks.) So I felt a little out of place, but I was hangin' with Kiefer and my mom so I was good. I recognized most of the people who were there just by virtue of them coming into the coffee house so often- however, it's bad when you recognize the guy in the nice suit sitting three chairs down from you as "Skinny Vanilla Latte 16oz with an extra shot." It was a good meeting- didn't drag on forever and a day. About half way through the Keynotes speaker got up and started talking about being Givers. It was basically a sermon about how good it was to give, and great it makes you feel, and how it's great for business. He was the owner of the Zaxby's franchises in the area- though he was based out of Georgia. So he told a story about how he told his Smithfield Manager that he wanted him to "walk across the street to that college and marry them." And apparently his business strategy for marrying the college worked pretty well. I really don't know what the point of that bit was- because about half way through the story a goose poked it's head over the edge of the skylights in the room. See- the room we were having breakfast in has skylights all the way around the edges of the ceiling- and a goose was sitting on the roof outside lookin' in at us. This was the Anatidaephobic's worst nightmare. The funniest thing was that at first the goose was up and down so much and so fast that I wasn't sure I'd actually seen it at first- but then the $100,000 dude beside me whispered to his buddy beside him "did you see that goose?" and I knew I actually had. Well, for about five minutes it kept popping up and down- and then it started staying up, walking back and forth and honking. I mean honking. Loudly. Like, the speaker came to a point in his speech that he was quite for a moment, and the goose honked, and it was audible inside the building across the room where I was sitting. It was hilarious! -and I just knew that if I laughed I was going to be in so much trouble. So I sat there for the duration of the goose antics with my hands clasped in my lap, literally biting my tongue, not breathing, with my head bowed so as to not laugh or disrupt anything. Leslie was laughing- but she was masking it with a coughing fit. that didn't help me, but it was funny. Limbert wasn't sure he'd seen a goose, and couldn't believe it when the goose actually stayed up. So he's whispering to Leslie the whole time. But yeah. The goose left, the keynotes speaker finished by saying he was glad to be married to the college, the Foundation fellow in charge of the funds for the college got up and said "Through the power vested in me by JCC, I now pronounce Zaxby's of Smithfield and JCC man and wife." (a few chuckles, but the goose had tired people out. lol) then he started talking about the people who'd given money, and all that- and then he recognized Mr. Kiefer- He said his name "Kai-fer" not "Kee-fer"- and he recognized Leslie as president of the SCA, and then he recognized Limbert as a first year student. -Then he got all excited and introduced "A mother and daughter team who've been in the Fine Arts program for a while- Mary Roper is an Enrichment Student taking Ceramics II, and her Daughter is a Fine Arts major who will be graduating this semester with her Associates Degree! The Ropers have had five students out here at JCC." -then he made us stand up, and we got a round of applause. It was kinda odd- a little embarrassing- but nice. So that meeting ended after they gave the gifts away. I came home, changed for work, knocked about the house for a bit, then jumped in the car and got to work. Work was also fun- a rather nice older fellow named Henry chatted with me for a little bit, then Babsi our baker came to the front with a new kind of muffin- and he started a conversation in German with her. -And I understood it. Not perfectly, mind you, but I was able to keep up with the conversation. Somehow, afterward, the conversation went to what he'd said to Babsi in German- I smiled and said I'd understood most of it, repeated the high points, and he laughed at me and said I was really sharp. It was great fun. :) When you can listen to a conversation in another language and be able to tell that the fellow is saying he had gone to work in Germany in 1960 with an automotive company, and his job was making joints on the production line- but you can't speak but the basic hello and goodbye. I dunno- I felt a lot smarter than I did previously.
So after that, I was cleaning stuff and Dakota and his mom walked in. He'd said he'd be there early, but I hadn't counted on 3pm early. :) It made me happy. So his mom got a coffee, they sat and chatted for a while, then off she went to the history club meeting with Dakota's younger brother. It was a good day. :) Got to chat with Dakota on and off between rushes, then things started to get slower again and all the rest of the Massengills came in. It was great fun to watch them interact. Poor Dakota was getting ribbed quite a lot- his dad asked "I've seen you watching the Barista- have you got her number yet? Even asked her name?" But yeah. His mom was trying to embarrass him, so she told me that he'd said the sweetest thing earlier- Dakota apparently didn't remember exactly what it was, so she told me. Apparently he'd said that the sweetest thing about me was that I didn't need him- that I just enjoyed his company for having him around, not because I needed something from him. He blushed, I laughed, his mom thought it was the sweetest thing ever.
After work we went to McDonalds at sat for two hours chatting about everything we could think of- then I looked at my watch and saw that it was 10:30pm and I thought "Oh, I really need to be getting home." so off we went.
Then there was yesterday. Yesterday was probably the best day thus far this week. I finally got Dakota to watch the Princess Bride. It was great fun. He came out to the house about three, we had a small sword fight in the rain outside. -found out mom was recording it from the back window- staged the ending of the fight (Dakota won)- then ended up having to chase Jeremiah down for my sword, which I'd dropped when I died. After that, we came inside, dusted out jeans off, and sat and talked for a while. JD was trying to mess with Dakota- so he ended up pretty much in Dakota's lap with his head rested on his shoulder. wouldn't leave us alone. LOL. Then mom and dad got back with dinner, and we had pizza- which was fun. Then we watched the princess bride. JD was trying to keep us from sitting together- he failed completely. I confess I have no idea what my brothers were doing through the whole movie. I was sitting beside Dakota, trying to not give the movie away. lol. ...and I'm using lols and smiley faces. 6.6 ...that reaction didn't help at all. Anyway- he enjoyed the movie, the geekdom is now more fully understood, and all is well. dad was upset because Dakota didn't cry at all during the movie (I didn't think there was anything to be sad about...)
but yeah, that was yesterday. It was great fun. :) I was reading the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe last night before bed- and I totally passed out in the floor. woke up at 1am, crawled into bed, passed out again. Today I pretty much spent cleaning my room. yeah. that's it. cleaning my room. It took a while. lol.

Still haven't called my uncle...

The other day I did something that didn't think I'd ever do on Facebook- No, I didn't start playing farmville. I actually updated my relationship status. 'Yeah, big deal, people do that all day long.' yeah yeah- I know what people do. But really! I really did! I mean, for those keeping up with my blog, you caught my January 4th post about going to lunch and hanging out with my friend Dakota. You also probably saw a few other things, like mention of me trying to take over the world and a friend telling me that he'd have to stop me, hanging out with a friend, being distracted all evening by a friend, and my friends really showing out to prove that I'm not all by me onesy. Okay, so now that's pointed out- I have been talking about him here, I really have! So updating a Facebook relationship status means anything? No, not in and of itself. I have a sock-puppet named Julian Glaucus (It's a Facebook page for my invisible friend who is a Goblin Psychiatrist) and I could say he was in a relationship with my friend Elsa's cat Gwendolyn if I wanted, wouldn't mean anything (cats aren't his type though...)
I suppose my point is this: He asked if he could change his status. Okay, I know I sound like an idiot. Maybe I should go back... Oh, but if I go back I'll go all goofy and won't be able to get my phrasing right... Nothing for it- gotta go back.
Okay, so we've been hanging out for a while- obviously- and some time in January he asked me if I'd like to go out to lunch with him. I said yeah, and off we went. Since then we've been going back and forth a lot, hangin' out every chance we get etc. Well, last Saturday we met at the library to do our weekend studying together, and when we'd spent three hours pouring over our books and I'd finished reading the segment of my Brit Lit book that I was supposed to read we decided to head across the street for a coffee before heading home. Craziest thing in the world happened just then- it was snowing. Yeah- Snow. In North Carolina. In February. After having 60 degree weather the day before. We decided as we were walking to the door that snow was an awful, ridiculous thing- and were both grinning from ear to ear when we walked out the door into it. By the time we made it across the street we were both well dusted with huge, fluffy snowflakes. I really wanted a picture- but wasn't sure how to ask for that... I mean, I coulda been all "We gotta take a picture with my cellphone! Get over here!" but that would have been uber goofy. Anyway, we got our coffee, sat down for a while looking out the window at the snow, enjoying the company and conversation. Eventually we decided that the weather, while lovely, was making the roads look slushy- so we said bye to the barista, and headed outside. Dakota asked if he could escort me back to my vehicle and offered his arm, so I took it and we started back across the street. Gorgeous weather. Absolutely beautiful. The streets were pretty much deserted, the sky was full of huge snowflakes, I had a warm coffee in one hand, and my best friend on the other. Just grinning from ear to ear. and that was the point that he asked me if I'd like to consider turning this whole hanging out/being awesome thing into an actual official courtship. Yeah, we were Homeschooled- we use different terms. No, we're not dating, we don't play that game. Look it up, courting. Google, go.
But yeah- I totally sounded like an idiot; I know I sounded like an idiot. I can't actually remember what in the heck I said, I know I was grinning from ear to ear and laughing and trying to figure out how to get my mouth to form words. My brain was totally gone! I'm sure I stood there giggling like a fool saying something to the effect of "uh- um, yeah! That sounds perfect! er, I'd love that! ah, eh, oh gosh, yeah!" I sounded like an idiot. lol. (<- I promised I wouldn't do that here, 6.6) So yeah, we finally put on facebook that we're in a relationship. This brings up another point, for which this post is named.
At my sister's wedding, my uncle John-John (I've got seriously fifteen 'John's in my family, gimme a break,) told me "If you get a boyfriend or something- whatever you call it- call me, okay? If the first I hear about this is that you're engaged, I'm gonna knock you both out." LOL. I suppose this would rather count. Geeze, I gotta get his number from my mom now...

So it's what? The 17th?

Right, my last post said something about Faust, a new computer station and me reorganizing my room. I suppose this one should pick up there... That was what? 13 days ago? give or take? I'm terrible at math, and don't feel like really pinning it down right now, so we'll say 13 and beg grace later if anyone cares.
It seems like a lot has happened, but really I can't think of much... No, I've actually made more than a couple discoveries. the chiefest I suppose requires a visitation on something I said in a post I made on February 1-

I do have friends, and I'm totally going to make good use of them- but it's an uncomfortable feeling when you're sad and having to let your guard down. Really, I don't let people close. And I don't want to whine and complain all the time when I'm around people. I was talking to a good friend of mine the other night and he said "Seriously, I'm all yours. Anytime." And while that takes such a load off my mind (To know that I can just talk if I need to), I don't want to burden any of my friends with my failure to cope. I'd rather keep it in my head and keep my walls up... but that isn't an option right now.
I just don't quite know how to let them down...

Yeah, that needs some edits. I really didn't understand the depth or the concept of my friendships when I wrote that down. Since then I've seriously had more offers of "You can come to our place for the weekend any time you want," than I could cash in in a year- and ain't none of them were simply being polite. I've also had two kidnapping threats- both going to the effect of "We're going to have dinner once a week- once every two weeks at the very least- even if we have to kidnap you or steal a house key for your place."
So I suppose in response to my initial melancholy- 1. It ain't about me. 2. My church family is totally family- and aren't afraid to get in my business to keep me from being alone, because they know that we need community, and I don't know how to reach out. It's impossible for me to keep all these emotions from hitting the radar when five to fourteen people are trying to figure out how you're doing- and that's okay, because they actually are interested and love me. 3. Emotional upset is not failure to cope- it's simply moving from one state of upheaval to a more stable emotion. Kind of like the physics of collapse- a stable object made unstable will collapse and until it's parts find a stable area that they rest in- being upset is not failure, it's my emotions settling while we figure out how to cope- which is the collapsed resting stage.
Next- it's more starting to settle in that trillian is most assuredly not coming back- but it's not so terrible as I thought it would be... I mean, it's a natural sort of feeling. the worst part is when I am sort of between awake and asleep wondering if she's come in or gotten up yet- or thinking that I need to be quiet in the mornings to not wake her, or not having her to get me out of bed in the morning when my alarm has gone off five times. That's always miserable.
I've once again reorganized my room and have a more steady set up for life in general. My Schoolwork has been kicking my tail all week- we've had literally four essays due this week, in one class. It's been insane. I'm glad I'm only taking one class. lol.
I suppose the thing of next interest would be that my friend Dakota and I are actually officially courting now. I know that sounds really nonchalant and is sort of hidden down in the bottom of this post- but really- I mean- seriously. I still don't quite have my brain on straight after all a that.... LOL. I'm totally going to have to write a separate blog post about that... ohmigosh. I still can't express all of this. I'm sure I sounded like an idiot when he asked me. ohmigosh. ji jasd lkjasdfmkkjnasdf asd,sdaahsdjhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Reorganizing

Judging from the fact that I last posted on the second, and it's the fifth, and some serious reorganizing has been going on- Well- I thought I should probably write a blog post.
I really don't expect that many (if anyone) is actually reading these as I type them, but I do like to keep a log of things, and when I have high emotion posts I like to have follow-up pieces for after action reports. So, really- this post of more for my later sanity than for anything.
Anyway. The last post that I wrote was about Trillian moving officially to California... or that was what I intended to write about. What I really wrote about was what happened on the same day that trillian moved. Yeah, I was distracting myself with random other happenings. It's perfectly logical and perfectly acceptable.
I'm not exactly Over it, but i'm becoming more used to living here without her. I decided pretty early on that I needed to fill the space or change the space that had been considered exclusively hers- not because I'm glad she's gone, but more because a change of scenery is good for someone trying to move on. So I've stared using the underneath of the bed as a walk-in closet, and the top of her bed as a linen closet. (I had no idea I had so many towels...)
I've also "inherited" a desktop (which I named Eliakim) from Jared, and am now using it as my desk computer. It's giving Elimelech a break. Very nice for my poor baby lappy- Laptops weren't made to run as often or as long as I run Elimelech. I'm a bad lappy mommy- I have a bad habit of leaving it running most nights. So, I've moved a few things around and have a computer station in the backroom beside the loveseat (which is my traditional Computer station). The glider that Trillian had is going to have to be more officially moved elsewhere, but I've got a desk and a chair and a lamp and a desktop and a spot for my laptop, a toaster for my hard drive, and a lot of new storage space. I'm pretty pleased. Eliakim, Elimelech and Ezekiel are all happily sitting together now.

Oye. I'm so tired, lol... Oh, that would be good to mention... I've attained "Master Nerd" status in my Brit lit class- the teacher actually stopped me after class and told me that if he started leaning on me too heavily I just needed to tell him- Said he needed conversation starters and I had obviously done my reading. I was pleased. -Not sure how to take it though. So yeah. I have totally alienated my classmates. They'll get over it.
I just finished reading Doctor Faustus by Christopher Marlowe (Check it out on Shmoop)
The actual reading of the piece was pretty easy- I like Marlowes style, it's really easy to read. The piece itself is thought provoking. Shmoop asked "what would you be willing to give up in order to attain what you wanted to know?" -well, for starters, we're not a society that wants to know things. We want to pass a test and get props for our scores, move on and forget everything we've 'learned'. We don't want to learn.
Further, it's got a lot to say about Predestination and Calvinism- Did Faust Ever really have a choice as to whether or not he goes to hell? That seems to be the most major question asked by anyone who ever read this story. All the sudden, I'm glad that I had all those chances to debate with John Calvin young and Matt Henry about Calvinism and predestination vs. freewill. That's at least got me prepped to answer the Calvinist train of thought. Still, in reverse, being able to explain that man has free will and God is infinitely good but infinitely just and righteous- Holy, and so he cannot see evil. Class tomorrow could be really really interesting... It could easily go very anti-christian, or very pro-christian. I hope God gives me wisdom to say what I need to say....

Monterey California

Monterey California. I wonder if I'll ever be able to spell that right? The computer always says it's wrong- but I'm not believing it. Anyway, so last night we had a going away party here at the house for Trillian. We had a whole bunch of people show up (about 35 if my count is correct.) From all sorts of different areas. Church, Homeschool group, various other social circles. It was quite a good time- and possibly the first time that I was at a party that was hosted at my house that I didn't feel the need to play hostess. ...Actually, I feel a bit bad about that because a friend of mine was more or less trapped by a rather flirty other friend of mine, and I didn't realize it until the fellow had to leave. -but in the end, it was Trillian's party and Trillian's responsibility to play hostess and rescue damsels in distress, not mine. I enjoyed myself sitting and talking with Emily, Dakota, Jared, and Josh- even though my mom, dad, and two of the other dads spent the whole evening trying to make me blush (They were doing a really good job of it too- I think I stayed red for the majority of the evening. It doesn't take much to make me blush...) -I firmly believe that God puts people around you when you need it- and between Emily and Dakota I stayed distracted all night- I didn't think once about how much fun it was going to be saying goodbye today. But yeah, great party. People stayed until nearly midnight, then we all hit the sack. It was a rather rough night for me- I knew I was waking up early in the morning, so I didn't sleep well last night. I went to bed at about 12:40am- and I had a semi-coherent train of thought going from then until 5:00am when Trillian's alarm went off. That already feels like a year ago now... Just thinking about all the lasts we'd had the night before and how much I still had to do. One repeating thought was "This is it- this is the last time Trillian and I are going to fall asleep in the same room." It's a lot of letting go... We'll never have late night conversations anymore, not like we did. We'll never share secrets the way we used to, and we'll never stay up for hours talking out our differences. I'll never get to tell her the story of Barleycorn the Field Mouse to get her to go to sleep anymore. I'll never get to talk about my story plots and bounce them off her in the car.
I recall thinking after she came in "Should I say something? What would I say? Shouldn't we get to sleeping?" Sad thought- I usually think something to the effect of "Will I regret it if I don't?" and I didn't. I rather do regret it- We've not been talking at night because she's been coming to bed at 3 and 4 am. But last night we almost went to sleep at the same time. I hate that I missed that chance. I hate that I didn't recognize what a chance it was. I think I didn't really want to talk about her leaving. I didn't really want to talk about her leaving at 1am, or 2am, or 3am or 4am, or 5am when her alarm went off. So then we got up and got ready for leaving. five ropers and a skinner got through the bathroom with brushed teeth in less than 30minutes. It was a record. We met Josh Kellum, Emily Driver and Whitney Betts at the church- all piled in the van, and away we went to the airport. It was cold. We got there- I hung back with Josh and Emily while Trillian got checked in. Mom brought the "welcome home" banner- a good idea, a nice touch. ...Incredibly sentimental, really heart-wrenching for me, but a very good touch. Everyone keeps writing "You're going to be incredibly missed!" like she's dead or something. Doesn't help. So, Trillian went through security and off to Monterey. Probably the last time I'll see her in person in the next few years. I wasn't ready to let her go yet- and honestly, I'm not okay with that- but I'll learn to live with it.
We went to McDonalds for breakfast, then came home and I took a two hour nap. Mom, Jeromy, Jerold and I went to shoe show to get Jerold another pair of Converse- He gave me his old pair (they need some work, but I think I can make it work.) then mom and I went stress shopping in Rue. I found a jacket and shirt for $6, then found some jeans on sale. Yeah, I'm a bad person. but I restrained myself from shoe shopping and brownie eating. Then I went around attempting to finish things or do things and failed epically in every count of the word. I started cleaning my room and didn't manage, I started reading my homework and didn't manage, I started organizing my desktop and didn't manage, I started talking to Dakota on facebook and got distracted, I started cleaning the kitchen and- are you seeing a pattern? I'm so scattered. I hate this.
I know it's silly, but dad asked trillian to send them a text message when she got home- of course she didn't. She said she probably wouldn't- so at least she was honest. But, seriously- that's not putting my heart very much at ease. It's like saying "nope, I'm married and in California now- I got no time for you guys anymore. You're not very high on my list of people to talk to."
Yeah, it's really difficult for me to 'keep up' with people who aren't right there with me- I've never had to before, so I don't really know how to do that... So, that being said- Can I get a little help? Ya know- just thirty seconds to send a text message that says "Home now, :)"
I may be being irrational, but I don't feel like that is a lot to ask for. I just wish I had some reassurance that her intention wasn't to fall off the face of the earth. Kinda hurts. I mean, I already had to give her up- She's already gone. I've already got to readjust, and not have my bestfriend and confidante here. I just wish she'd give me a little bit of something to work with. All we asked for was a short text message. I don't feel like that is too much to ask for.

So- February 1, 2013

Just like the title says I suppose- It is the first day of the second month- the year is already 1/12 over, and we've only started. Trillian Skinner leaves tomorrow for California-Nate has the keys to the house, and has clearance to be off base. So they'll be moving in Saturday and Sunday. I've been sorta in and out as far as my emotional state goes. This is an awesome time of growing, but growing fast tends to hurt some, so I'm a little out of sorts. A lot of people have been asking, and most are fine with the cover answer "I'm okay," but the ones that want a more specific, detailed analysis have been getting a bit of a different answer. Yes, I'm okay- I'm just being childish and a bit selfish. The way the world is changing right now is nothing that I'm unaccustomed to. Trillian has received orders to move to Monterey, CA. Mom and Dad have received Preliminary orders to move to Thailand. We've had many such orders over the years, we've had many such changes. It's not like we've ever had a choice, so whining and complaining and bellyaching about it wasn't ever an option. Yes, I've always been sad about leaving. Yes, it's always been hard to pack up and say goodbye to friends. But it's different this time- This time I'm staying. It's an odd feeling, and usually all the sadness that I feel about these kinds of moves is contained inside my family, who are all feeling the same way. Well, they're leaving, I'm staying, I don't exactly have a family unit to keep my emotions inside. I do have friends, and I'm totally going to make good use of them- but it's an uncomfortable feeling when you're sad and having to let your guard down. Really, I don't let people close. And I don't want to whine and complain all the time when I'm around people. I was talking to a good friend the other night and he said "Seriously, I'm all yours. Anytime." And while that takes such a load off my mind (To know that I can just talk if I need to), I don't want to burden any of my friends with my failure to cope. I'd rather keep it in my head and keep my walls up... but that isn't an option right now.
I just don't quite know how to let them down...