Right, my last post said something about Faust, a new computer station and me reorganizing my room. I suppose this one should pick up there... That was what? 13 days ago? give or take? I'm terrible at math, and don't feel like really pinning it down right now, so we'll say 13 and beg grace later if anyone cares.
It seems like a lot has happened, but really I can't think of much... No, I've actually made more than a couple discoveries. the chiefest I suppose requires a visitation on something I said in a post I made on February 1-
So I suppose in response to my initial melancholy- 1. It ain't about me. 2. My church family is totally family- and aren't afraid to get in my business to keep me from being alone, because they know that we need community, and I don't know how to reach out. It's impossible for me to keep all these emotions from hitting the radar when five to fourteen people are trying to figure out how you're doing- and that's okay, because they actually are interested and love me. 3. Emotional upset is not failure to cope- it's simply moving from one state of upheaval to a more stable emotion. Kind of like the physics of collapse- a stable object made unstable will collapse and until it's parts find a stable area that they rest in- being upset is not failure, it's my emotions settling while we figure out how to cope- which is the collapsed resting stage.
Next- it's more starting to settle in that trillian is most assuredly not coming back- but it's not so terrible as I thought it would be... I mean, it's a natural sort of feeling. the worst part is when I am sort of between awake and asleep wondering if she's come in or gotten up yet- or thinking that I need to be quiet in the mornings to not wake her, or not having her to get me out of bed in the morning when my alarm has gone off five times. That's always miserable.
I've once again reorganized my room and have a more steady set up for life in general. My Schoolwork has been kicking my tail all week- we've had literally four essays due this week, in one class. It's been insane. I'm glad I'm only taking one class. lol.
I suppose the thing of next interest would be that my friend Dakota and I are actually officially courting now. I know that sounds really nonchalant and is sort of hidden down in the bottom of this post- but really- I mean- seriously. I still don't quite have my brain on straight after all a that.... LOL. I'm totally going to have to write a separate blog post about that... ohmigosh. I still can't express all of this. I'm sure I sounded like an idiot when he asked me. ohmigosh. ji jasd lkjasdfmkkjnasdf asd,sdaahsdjhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
It seems like a lot has happened, but really I can't think of much... No, I've actually made more than a couple discoveries. the chiefest I suppose requires a visitation on something I said in a post I made on February 1-
I do have friends, and I'm totally going to make good use of them- but it's an uncomfortable feeling when you're sad and having to let your guard down. Really, I don't let people close. And I don't want to whine and complain all the time when I'm around people. I was talking to a good friend of mine the other night and he said "Seriously, I'm all yours. Anytime." And while that takes such a load off my mind (To know that I can just talk if I need to), I don't want to burden any of my friends with my failure to cope. I'd rather keep it in my head and keep my walls up... but that isn't an option right now.Yeah, that needs some edits. I really didn't understand the depth or the concept of my friendships when I wrote that down. Since then I've seriously had more offers of "You can come to our place for the weekend any time you want," than I could cash in in a year- and ain't none of them were simply being polite. I've also had two kidnapping threats- both going to the effect of "We're going to have dinner once a week- once every two weeks at the very least- even if we have to kidnap you or steal a house key for your place."
I just don't quite know how to let them down...
So I suppose in response to my initial melancholy- 1. It ain't about me. 2. My church family is totally family- and aren't afraid to get in my business to keep me from being alone, because they know that we need community, and I don't know how to reach out. It's impossible for me to keep all these emotions from hitting the radar when five to fourteen people are trying to figure out how you're doing- and that's okay, because they actually are interested and love me. 3. Emotional upset is not failure to cope- it's simply moving from one state of upheaval to a more stable emotion. Kind of like the physics of collapse- a stable object made unstable will collapse and until it's parts find a stable area that they rest in- being upset is not failure, it's my emotions settling while we figure out how to cope- which is the collapsed resting stage.
Next- it's more starting to settle in that trillian is most assuredly not coming back- but it's not so terrible as I thought it would be... I mean, it's a natural sort of feeling. the worst part is when I am sort of between awake and asleep wondering if she's come in or gotten up yet- or thinking that I need to be quiet in the mornings to not wake her, or not having her to get me out of bed in the morning when my alarm has gone off five times. That's always miserable.
I've once again reorganized my room and have a more steady set up for life in general. My Schoolwork has been kicking my tail all week- we've had literally four essays due this week, in one class. It's been insane. I'm glad I'm only taking one class. lol.
I suppose the thing of next interest would be that my friend Dakota and I are actually officially courting now. I know that sounds really nonchalant and is sort of hidden down in the bottom of this post- but really- I mean- seriously. I still don't quite have my brain on straight after all a that.... LOL. I'm totally going to have to write a separate blog post about that... ohmigosh. I still can't express all of this. I'm sure I sounded like an idiot when he asked me. ohmigosh. ji jasd lkjasdfmkkjnasdf asd,sdaahsdjhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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