Monterey California. I wonder if I'll ever be able to spell that right? The computer always says it's wrong- but I'm not believing it. Anyway, so last night we had a going away party here at the house for Trillian. We had a whole bunch of people show up (about 35 if my count is correct.) From all sorts of different areas. Church, Homeschool group, various other social circles. It was quite a good time- and possibly the first time that I was at a party that was hosted at my house that I didn't feel the need to play hostess. ...Actually, I feel a bit bad about that because a friend of mine was more or less trapped by a rather flirty other friend of mine, and I didn't realize it until the fellow had to leave. -but in the end, it was Trillian's party and Trillian's responsibility to play hostess and rescue damsels in distress, not mine. I enjoyed myself sitting and talking with Emily, Dakota, Jared, and Josh- even though my mom, dad, and two of the other dads spent the whole evening trying to make me blush (They were doing a really good job of it too- I think I stayed red for the majority of the evening. It doesn't take much to make me blush...) -I firmly believe that God puts people around you when you need it- and between Emily and Dakota I stayed distracted all night- I didn't think once about how much fun it was going to be saying goodbye today. But yeah, great party. People stayed until nearly midnight, then we all hit the sack. It was a rather rough night for me- I knew I was waking up early in the morning, so I didn't sleep well last night. I went to bed at about 12:40am- and I had a semi-coherent train of thought going from then until 5:00am when Trillian's alarm went off. That already feels like a year ago now... Just thinking about all the lasts we'd had the night before and how much I still had to do. One repeating thought was "This is it- this is the last time Trillian and I are going to fall asleep in the same room." It's a lot of letting go... We'll never have late night conversations anymore, not like we did. We'll never share secrets the way we used to, and we'll never stay up for hours talking out our differences. I'll never get to tell her the story of Barleycorn the Field Mouse to get her to go to sleep anymore. I'll never get to talk about my story plots and bounce them off her in the car.
I recall thinking after she came in "Should I say something? What would I say? Shouldn't we get to sleeping?" Sad thought- I usually think something to the effect of "Will I regret it if I don't?" and I didn't. I rather do regret it- We've not been talking at night because she's been coming to bed at 3 and 4 am. But last night we almost went to sleep at the same time. I hate that I missed that chance. I hate that I didn't recognize what a chance it was. I think I didn't really want to talk about her leaving. I didn't really want to talk about her leaving at 1am, or 2am, or 3am or 4am, or 5am when her alarm went off. So then we got up and got ready for leaving. five ropers and a skinner got through the bathroom with brushed teeth in less than 30minutes. It was a record. We met Josh Kellum, Emily Driver and Whitney Betts at the church- all piled in the van, and away we went to the airport. It was cold. We got there- I hung back with Josh and Emily while Trillian got checked in. Mom brought the "welcome home" banner- a good idea, a nice touch. ...Incredibly sentimental, really heart-wrenching for me, but a very good touch. Everyone keeps writing "You're going to be incredibly missed!" like she's dead or something. Doesn't help. So, Trillian went through security and off to Monterey. Probably the last time I'll see her in person in the next few years. I wasn't ready to let her go yet- and honestly, I'm not okay with that- but I'll learn to live with it.
We went to McDonalds for breakfast, then came home and I took a two hour nap. Mom, Jeromy, Jerold and I went to shoe show to get Jerold another pair of Converse- He gave me his old pair (they need some work, but I think I can make it work.) then mom and I went stress shopping in Rue. I found a jacket and shirt for $6, then found some jeans on sale. Yeah, I'm a bad person. but I restrained myself from shoe shopping and brownie eating. Then I went around attempting to finish things or do things and failed epically in every count of the word. I started cleaning my room and didn't manage, I started reading my homework and didn't manage, I started organizing my desktop and didn't manage, I started talking to Dakota on facebook and got distracted, I started cleaning the kitchen and- are you seeing a pattern? I'm so scattered. I hate this.
I know it's silly, but dad asked trillian to send them a text message when she got home- of course she didn't. She said she probably wouldn't- so at least she was honest. But, seriously- that's not putting my heart very much at ease. It's like saying "nope, I'm married and in California now- I got no time for you guys anymore. You're not very high on my list of people to talk to."
Yeah, it's really difficult for me to 'keep up' with people who aren't right there with me- I've never had to before, so I don't really know how to do that... So, that being said- Can I get a little help? Ya know- just thirty seconds to send a text message that says "Home now, :)"
I may be being irrational, but I don't feel like that is a lot to ask for. I just wish I had some reassurance that her intention wasn't to fall off the face of the earth. Kinda hurts. I mean, I already had to give her up- She's already gone. I've already got to readjust, and not have my bestfriend and confidante here. I just wish she'd give me a little bit of something to work with. All we asked for was a short text message. I don't feel like that is too much to ask for.
I recall thinking after she came in "Should I say something? What would I say? Shouldn't we get to sleeping?" Sad thought- I usually think something to the effect of "Will I regret it if I don't?" and I didn't. I rather do regret it- We've not been talking at night because she's been coming to bed at 3 and 4 am. But last night we almost went to sleep at the same time. I hate that I missed that chance. I hate that I didn't recognize what a chance it was. I think I didn't really want to talk about her leaving. I didn't really want to talk about her leaving at 1am, or 2am, or 3am or 4am, or 5am when her alarm went off. So then we got up and got ready for leaving. five ropers and a skinner got through the bathroom with brushed teeth in less than 30minutes. It was a record. We met Josh Kellum, Emily Driver and Whitney Betts at the church- all piled in the van, and away we went to the airport. It was cold. We got there- I hung back with Josh and Emily while Trillian got checked in. Mom brought the "welcome home" banner- a good idea, a nice touch. ...Incredibly sentimental, really heart-wrenching for me, but a very good touch. Everyone keeps writing "You're going to be incredibly missed!" like she's dead or something. Doesn't help. So, Trillian went through security and off to Monterey. Probably the last time I'll see her in person in the next few years. I wasn't ready to let her go yet- and honestly, I'm not okay with that- but I'll learn to live with it.
We went to McDonalds for breakfast, then came home and I took a two hour nap. Mom, Jeromy, Jerold and I went to shoe show to get Jerold another pair of Converse- He gave me his old pair (they need some work, but I think I can make it work.) then mom and I went stress shopping in Rue. I found a jacket and shirt for $6, then found some jeans on sale. Yeah, I'm a bad person. but I restrained myself from shoe shopping and brownie eating. Then I went around attempting to finish things or do things and failed epically in every count of the word. I started cleaning my room and didn't manage, I started reading my homework and didn't manage, I started organizing my desktop and didn't manage, I started talking to Dakota on facebook and got distracted, I started cleaning the kitchen and- are you seeing a pattern? I'm so scattered. I hate this.
I know it's silly, but dad asked trillian to send them a text message when she got home- of course she didn't. She said she probably wouldn't- so at least she was honest. But, seriously- that's not putting my heart very much at ease. It's like saying "nope, I'm married and in California now- I got no time for you guys anymore. You're not very high on my list of people to talk to."
Yeah, it's really difficult for me to 'keep up' with people who aren't right there with me- I've never had to before, so I don't really know how to do that... So, that being said- Can I get a little help? Ya know- just thirty seconds to send a text message that says "Home now, :)"
I may be being irrational, but I don't feel like that is a lot to ask for. I just wish I had some reassurance that her intention wasn't to fall off the face of the earth. Kinda hurts. I mean, I already had to give her up- She's already gone. I've already got to readjust, and not have my bestfriend and confidante here. I just wish she'd give me a little bit of something to work with. All we asked for was a short text message. I don't feel like that is too much to ask for.
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