So- February 1, 2013

Just like the title says I suppose- It is the first day of the second month- the year is already 1/12 over, and we've only started. Trillian Skinner leaves tomorrow for California-Nate has the keys to the house, and has clearance to be off base. So they'll be moving in Saturday and Sunday. I've been sorta in and out as far as my emotional state goes. This is an awesome time of growing, but growing fast tends to hurt some, so I'm a little out of sorts. A lot of people have been asking, and most are fine with the cover answer "I'm okay," but the ones that want a more specific, detailed analysis have been getting a bit of a different answer. Yes, I'm okay- I'm just being childish and a bit selfish. The way the world is changing right now is nothing that I'm unaccustomed to. Trillian has received orders to move to Monterey, CA. Mom and Dad have received Preliminary orders to move to Thailand. We've had many such orders over the years, we've had many such changes. It's not like we've ever had a choice, so whining and complaining and bellyaching about it wasn't ever an option. Yes, I've always been sad about leaving. Yes, it's always been hard to pack up and say goodbye to friends. But it's different this time- This time I'm staying. It's an odd feeling, and usually all the sadness that I feel about these kinds of moves is contained inside my family, who are all feeling the same way. Well, they're leaving, I'm staying, I don't exactly have a family unit to keep my emotions inside. I do have friends, and I'm totally going to make good use of them- but it's an uncomfortable feeling when you're sad and having to let your guard down. Really, I don't let people close. And I don't want to whine and complain all the time when I'm around people. I was talking to a good friend the other night and he said "Seriously, I'm all yours. Anytime." And while that takes such a load off my mind (To know that I can just talk if I need to), I don't want to burden any of my friends with my failure to cope. I'd rather keep it in my head and keep my walls up... but that isn't an option right now.
I just don't quite know how to let them down...