It's really, deeply, mind-blowingly amazing how Good god is, and how faithful he is to keep his promises. It's a dangerous thing when you surrender everything you are and everything you can be to God, and ask for nothing in return but the cry of "Make me trust you- I can't do it on my own."
Why is it dangerous? Because He will absolutely always honor that request. It's dangerous, but no man fears to kneel before the God that he loves. I fear His wrath. I fear my sinful nature and how that pulls us apart. I fear the consequences of my disobedience. I do not fear God randomly loosing his goodness. I trust Him. I know He won't do anything to injure me. I fear His Power, I fear the glory of His gaze. I fear to be in the presence of pure righteousness and holiness- because I am fallen. But I will never be afraid to run into my Father's arms and cry.
God has brought me out of one place, and it putting me in another place. This new place is terrifying, and I have no idea how I'm going to survive in it- But I trust God. God will bring me through this place, and He will make me shine as a light to the world. I want nothing so much as to be in God's Plan.
Now, I don't want this entry to be only vague ramblings, so I have to stop here and make a note of everything that has occurred. Trillian is leaving to go to California very, very soon. It's looking like the first week of February now, probably 11 days. Also, the call has come from Crossworld, and Mom and Dad are looking now at Mid to Late August to be in Thailand. This has several implications for me- They will be gone a lot between now and then. There are a lot of dates for me to remember.
I'm so afraid. I am reluctant even here on this edge. I'm on the cliff. This is where I prayed God would lead me to. This is the fight I asked God to give me and (by His grace; for His glory) He gave it to me. So here I am, in the refiners fire, my impurities being burned out of me, and my fears being chiseled away by the master sculptor. It's not my accident that I'm here now. It's not by chance that this call has come. This is a gift, and I absolutely cannot waste this chance. I asked for this, after all. God isn't going to give me something and not give me the tools to complete it.
Why is it dangerous? Because He will absolutely always honor that request. It's dangerous, but no man fears to kneel before the God that he loves. I fear His wrath. I fear my sinful nature and how that pulls us apart. I fear the consequences of my disobedience. I do not fear God randomly loosing his goodness. I trust Him. I know He won't do anything to injure me. I fear His Power, I fear the glory of His gaze. I fear to be in the presence of pure righteousness and holiness- because I am fallen. But I will never be afraid to run into my Father's arms and cry.
God has brought me out of one place, and it putting me in another place. This new place is terrifying, and I have no idea how I'm going to survive in it- But I trust God. God will bring me through this place, and He will make me shine as a light to the world. I want nothing so much as to be in God's Plan.
Now, I don't want this entry to be only vague ramblings, so I have to stop here and make a note of everything that has occurred. Trillian is leaving to go to California very, very soon. It's looking like the first week of February now, probably 11 days. Also, the call has come from Crossworld, and Mom and Dad are looking now at Mid to Late August to be in Thailand. This has several implications for me- They will be gone a lot between now and then. There are a lot of dates for me to remember.
I'm so afraid. I am reluctant even here on this edge. I'm on the cliff. This is where I prayed God would lead me to. This is the fight I asked God to give me and (by His grace; for His glory) He gave it to me. So here I am, in the refiners fire, my impurities being burned out of me, and my fears being chiseled away by the master sculptor. It's not my accident that I'm here now. It's not by chance that this call has come. This is a gift, and I absolutely cannot waste this chance. I asked for this, after all. God isn't going to give me something and not give me the tools to complete it.
No comments:
Post a Comment